A Letter of Encouragement for Young Moms

The Princess at 18 months.  As recall the tears are because she didn't like the pigtails

Yesterday the Baby and I visited a friend who has a barely 3 year old and 3 month old. At the end of our visit, the 3 year old son had a on the floor, crying, screaming meltdown.  Y’all all know what I’m talking about.  Those meltdowns caused by the perfect storm - a mixture of badly needing a nap, the end of play time and not getting to do what they want.  My friend held her infant in her arm and calmly, with tears in her eyes, tried to talk to and calm her crying, screaming 3 year old.  I lovingly told my friend that she is NOT alone and we have ALL been there.   As I quickly packed our stuff so she could put her son down for a nap, I continued with assurances that it does get better and that she is doing a fabulous job. 

It later occurred to me that I had sort of forgotten how really really REALLY hard that time was as a mom.  I hope this post encourages moms with small children. 

First, you are not alone when you have a child who throws a tantrum or has a meltdown.  They ALL have meltdowns.  Seriously, they ALL have meltdowns.  If a mom tells you that her child, “Never did that!”, she is either lying or the incident was so traumatic that she has forgotten about the meltdown.  Your child will not remember the meltdown or be traumatized for not getting what they want.  They will remember that ‘No’ does mean 'no', and that although Mommy does love you, the world does not revolve around the their wants or wishes.

C-man at age 3 upset about having to take pictures at my brother's wedding. 

Second, ignore ugly looks in the grocery store when your child throws a fit about not getting what they really really want at that very moment.  You have to shop for food sometime and when you have young children, there is really isn’t the perfect time.  If you are one of those people who give dirty looks, shame on you.  Think back to when your children were young and how sleep deprived and weary you were sometimes.  It often seems like a constant cycle of feed and clean up.  Remember that a kind word or smile can make the world of difference to a young mom who usually needs some assurance and encouragement. 

Several years ago when my littles were about 8 months, 2 1/2 and 4 1/2, I needed to get out of the house and took the kids to Chickfila for lunch.  I sat in the play area and my children had a blast.  Yes, they were loud.  No, they weren’t running all over the restaurant, screaming or throwing tantrums.  After I packed up, I lugged the carseat and diaper bag with the Baby and had the other two holding my hand and elbow.  An older lady who had been sitting about 3 tables away from me reading a book stopped me and said, “Ma’am, the next time you think about taking your children out for lunch, you should just stay at home.  They are just too loud and shouldn’t be in a restaurant.” I was stunned and had my eyes on C-man who was breaking for the car.  My response was, “My children love the play area here.  I hate that they bothered you but there is another section of the restaurant away from the children’s area.”  Sadly, I could never forget her comment.  Please think about what you say to young mothers and how your opinions can affect them.

The Baby at her 1st birthday.  I'm not sure why she was crying.  Good Lord - she has a fist full of cake in her hand.  It can't be that bad!

Lastly, I promise, it does get better.  You will be able to sleep again.  Your children will be able to dress themselves and not need your help in the bathroom.  It seems like it will take forever, but it doesn’t.  Do the best you can in the moment, take deep breaths when you feel like you are losing it, and make time to have at least one night away a month with friends.   You NEED grown-up time that does not involve diaper changes and Playdoh.  Moms who are now on ‘the other side’, don’t forget how it felt when you were in the trenches and offer kind words and support to young mothers whenever you see them.  They need the encouragement that they are doing a great job. 

The 'other side' - I promise it will be here before you know it. 

Please pass this along to any young mom that you think might need this today, especially during the holidays that can add even more stress.

Hope

One of 'Those Days'

I had planned on writing about Operation Christmas Child tonight and had planned to take the children to the store to buy supplies.  Sadly, it was 'one of those days'.  Y'all have been there.  Wake up, check email and see that neither C-man, nor the Princess gotten a part in a musical that both had worked to their hardest to prepare for the audition.  I know that disappointment is part of growing up and part of acting, but it is still hard to break it to them that they didn't get a part.  Get ready, go downstairs and figure out a gentle way to break the news, make breakfast, make 3 lunches and two snacks, get everyone ready, drop off at school, come back home, clean up from said breakfast and lunch preparations, take the Baby to preschool, run to physical therapy to help my shoulder heal from the rotator cuff surgery, go to church to help the children's council, pick up the Baby from preschool, and then eat lunch at 2 pm because I haven't had a moment to breath until then.

C-Man's Cub Scout gear

The Baby and I then rushed to the Boy Scout store to buy all of the items C-man needed for cub scouts and it takes over 1 1/2 hours to drive because of traffic.  We were late picking up the Princess and C-man from school.  What I thought would be a quick pop-in to ask C-man's teacher about something small turns into a 30 minute necessary conversation.  (My fellow ADHD moms know what I'm talking about.) We had exactly 35-40 minutes to head to the store to buy our supplies to pack the shoeboxes before we needed to take the Princess to ballet class.  My thought was, 'I think I can.  I think I can.', and then the Princess had wardrobe 'issues'.  The leotard she so desperately wanted to wear was too small because she has grown taller these last few weeks.  Her #2 choice back-up leotard was also too small.  Choice #3, a leotard she has worn several times this fall, still fits.  Hooray!  Apparently, she doesn't like choice #3 anymore.  The tears start and I became even more frustrated.  I not so patiently explain to the Princess that she can either wear that leotard or not go to ballet.  The Princess is now ready to go.

The leotard she wanted to wear (the one with the rhinestones)

My thought was, "If we can just get in the car in the next 3 minutes, we can still make to the store." Sadly, the Baby and C-man have now taken their shoes off and think we are staying at the house because of the amount of time I had been upstairs with the Princess.  We all hurry to first find the shoes that apparently can be lost in a 5 minute time span, get shoes on, jump in the car, and head to the store.  As we reach the end of our street I ask the Princess, "Lily Brooks, you did bring your tennis shoes to wear in the store, right?"  I had reminded her twice to bring her other shoes and had told her that she couldn't wear ballet slippers in the parking lot/store because they would become ruined.  Her response was, "No, mama.  You didn't tell me I needed to bring my tennis shoes." Fabulous.  At that moment it was like the buzzer had gone off.  I turned the car around because there was just no point in rushing around and then being late for ballet.  We could go buy supplies on Saturday.

We returned home to use our remaining 20 minutes before we needed to head to ballet and I remember that I have been meaning to give one of the teachers at the studio a baby gift.  I get the children settled with a snack and run upstairs to sew the blanket.  The fabric had been purchased, cut, and was just sitting in my chair patiently waiting its turn for attention.  I sit down and with the first stitch my machine makes a crazy sound I have never heard before.  I make every attempt to figure out this crazy sound and desperately try to fix my machine.  When the realization hits that I am going to have to take to the repair store to have it repaired tears fill my eyes.  Plans for this weekend include little more than making the baby bedding for my sister-in-law's precious new little one who makes her arrival in late December.  Sweet sister-in-law lives in Dallas and Mimi & Pappy (my in-laws) are headed to Dallas next weekend.  This weekend was my only chance to make the bedding unless I ship it to Dallas.

The blanket that didn't get made and the bedding that I pray is completed this weekend

Just like Superman, Honey appears.  He almost never comes home early, but today came home a little early.  The Baby and C-man cheer and practically dance in exhilaration because they don't have to ride the 45 minute round trip to ballet and wait 45 minutes during ballet.  Honey assures me that it's ok about spending the money to have the machine repaired or even purchase a new one if I need it.  As we head to the car to go to ballet, without being prompted, (I'm still upset that I can't fix the sewing machine and have forgotten about the dance wardrobe incident) the Princess apologizes for her behavior over the outfit and thanks me for allowing and paying for her to attend dance class along with all of her other activities.  ??!?!!! Praise The Lord!  She explains to me that she is sorry she acted that way and explains that she is is very nervous about her speaking part in the school Chapel program tomorrow and her vocal group performance tomorrow night.  We have a mother/daughter moment during the drive and all is well.

Once we arrive at ballet, Honey texts me to tell me that C-man is over the moon excited about the Cub Scout gear I purchased and has flown through his first three lessons in his book and is extremely excited about his den meeting this Sunday.

The evening ended with me falling asleep putting the Baby to bed.  She had trouble because she had taken a nap during the drive to purchase the cub scout gear.  Being a 'night person' anyway,  she was wide awake at 9:45 p.m. and in need of at least 10 stories.  I read 2 and offered to lay down with her because I was exhausted.

I hope y'all have a fabulous Friday.  I'm excited to not have 'one of those days' today but am also thankful for all the time at home with the children - even 'those days'.

Confessions of a Twirl Mom Part 2

Confession - I am sometimes too hard on the Princess, especially when it comes to baton twirling.  (Not "TV Dance Mom" style.  Those moms just scare me.)  Sometimes I think that it is because she is so much like me and I want her to feel the excitement of success once she conquers something and then sometimes I think it is because I know that she can do anything she wants if she puts her mind to it.  However, early this fall I learned that there was another reason that I am hard on her that I had not even consciously realized and she and I both learned a valuable lesson.

Twirling at our school's halftime show with the band this past Friday

The Princess had taken a break from twirling this summer but had a local competition Labor Day weekend.  Successfully encouraging her to practice for this competition was nearly impossible.  I  despised being so hard on her and could not figure out why this horrible, vicious cycle was in repeat mode.  Why did I expect so much out of her and why was I getting so frustrated if she couldn't remember a routine?  I would get irritated with her half-hearted attempts, or complete lack of  attempts, to practice and the Princess would become tearfully upset when she didn't receive the praise she had wanted and expected.  Please don't think that I didn't praise her accomplishments.  Of course I praised the Princess, but the problem was that she was overconfident and didn't seem to care if she memorized and perfected her routines.

Before her Aladdin themed dance twirl at competition this past weekend

After a particularly trying session, where I suggested that maybe she should quit baton twirling and/or competitions, Honey gently suggested that this might be a good time to let her fail.  (WHAT?????!?!?!?!?!) This is the same little girl who recently shared that the two things she is scared of are "spiders and failure."

My response was, "But I don't want her to embarrass herself.  It happened to me growing up and it was AWFUL." And then it hit me.  The Princess and I had been playing tug of war.  She thought I was just being mean but I really was trying my hardest to not let her experience the embarrassment I had experienced as a young girl by forgetting my routine in a competition.  I had never forgotten that moment and although I am certain it wasn't nearly as bad as I had remembered it to be, it was a moment etched forever in the "Never ever let this happen again" part of my brain.  I wanted to spare the Princess from that, but know the best way to learn sometimes is from the fall.

With Mama Jane who came with us to the competition

We trudged forward.  I was terrified by her possible 'fall', but ready too.  The Princess did forget nearly every routine, tears were abundant, and it was not a pleasant day at all.  Thank Heavens that my mom, aka Mama Jane, was there to assist in picking up the pieces.  Please know that none of the pictures in this post are from the Labor Day competition.  Those pictures are not pleasant.

Eight weeks later, a different little girl arrived at the next competition.  She was determined, excited, and prepared.  She didn't win everything, but I was the proudest mom when she earned 3rd place out of 9 girls in the 7-9 year old group for solo twirling.  She had a FABULOUS time competing, meeting new girls, and we had so much fun together.

Saturday night, my heart warmed when she told me, "Mom, you are the best mom in the whole world.  Thank you so much for letting me come to the competition.  I had so much fun today." It was the sweetest mother/daughter moment and I will always remember it.

Hope

Confessions of a Twirl Mom & a 'Good Luck' Gift

Confession - I wasn't NEARLY appreciative enough of what my mom did for me growing up.  As the daughter of a former baton twirler, I started twirling by age 3 or 4.  Whenever I had a baton competition or performance it was almost as if elves came in the middle of the night and rhinestoned & sewed my costumes; cleaned my batons; made sure I had the right accessories; and even had snacks packed.  I know this is late and cannot be said enough, but, Mom, YOU ROCK!

And so now - I'm the elf.  My middle child, Lily Brooks (aka 'The Princess'), is now a baton twirler. On Friday night she twirled during halftime at our high school football game and then Saturday had a baton competition in Birmingham, Alabama.  So after Halloween festivities Thursday evening and getting the kids ready for bed, I turned into Twirl Mom Elf.

The Rain Stopped Just in time for home Halloween Fun!

Sweet hubby (aka 'Honey') poured me a glass of wine Thursday evening.  Sadly, this is where I found it Friday morning.  Right where I left it while helping the girls brush teeth and hair before bed.  Kind of sad isn't it?

Here are a few of Lily Brooks's costumes that I worked on so feverishly.  Fellow twirl mom and good friend S and I make a fabulous team.  I take care of any sewing and she glues all of the rhinestones. The costume below was for Friday night for Lily Brooks and Little S to wear at the football game.  It matches our school's colors and turned out beautifully.  Best of all, Lily Brooks feels like a super star wearing them.

Duet Outfit for twirling with her friend Little S

Aladdin themed dance twirl costume for competitions

I really want Lily Brooks to enjoy traveling to competitions and make new friends with some of the other girls.  To make it a little easier for her to introduce herself to some of her competitors, I make little 'Good Luck' treats for her to hand out to the other girls.  She loves handing them out, it is a great ice breaker, and each time she hands them out having practice introducing herself.  For this competition I used fun sized Starburst packs and made a label with 'You're a Star! Good Luck! Love, Lily Brooks' for each pack.  I used Avery return address labels and they are the perfect size for a fun-sized candy treat.

You're a Star! Good Luck Treat

Two other treats I've used at previous competitions are a fun sized pack of M&Ms with "Be Mighty Magnificent" and a fun sized crunch bar with "It's CRUNCH time.  You can do it!"

Be Mighty Magnificent! Good Luck Treat

'It's CRUNCH time - You CAN do it!' Good Luck Treat

Lily Brooks and her friend, Little S, did fabulous Friday night and I was very proud.  I will end with a sweet picture that my mom took of me Friday night watching Lily Brooks twirl.  What is so neat is that my mom (aka 'Mama Jane') wasn't just watching Lily Brooks, she was also watching me.  Thanks mom for being my Twirl Mom Elf and for teaching me how to be a good elf too!

Proud Twirl Mom